An inner child's Second Chance

 It's easy to say that everyone has the potential to discover the voice of the inner child, although true, the years of commitment or neglect towards that inner child cannot be recovered with the ease of a single acknowledgement. As every decision towards progress entails the necessity for cerebral stamina, regarding endurance to achieving personal goals, dedicated efforts are demanded for successful outcomes in all departments of life. The trite saying, "It's never too late..." tossed before and after verbal goal declarations, has slid off mature tongues to touch conscious' audibility, is frequently heard throughout the generations of modern society's evolution. True, the fact we're blessed with breath and awareness to express gratitude for every sensation graciously offered does open encouragement to triumph over all forms of metaphoric demons or dragons...

So where can one start? Good question...  the answer depends on each person and their origin of experience. Getting informed on supportive subject matter through collective research is a good start, but how we accept and use this information, in the manner best suited for each person's situation, may appear challenging. Guidance can help.

 

Today, in our blissful convenience of insight, the internet serves as a pathway to libraries of information to weed through. Articles throughout the internet offer approximate number of minutes of reading time, that suggest the necessity for inconceivable haste that we've allowed over-stimulating or aesthetically unsettling lifestyles to determine our personal pace--an influencing factor in compliance of competing attentions--that confuses 'drive for progress' with cortisol release as stress response.

The mere thought that haste, as addictive as it can be, directed towards cumulative unspoken stressors, affecting our daily decisions of priority throughout life, is dismissed as adaptation for outlandish standards that do not reflect healthy rhythmic rate of human intuition's pace of acceptance or healthy standards. The tortoise won over the hare for a very significant reason, not by chance.

 

When ugly truths face the conscious, we can either ignore them--unintentionally storing them away in our subconscious--or accept facts--no matter how hard they hit our frailties--and ask ourselves why they conflict by analyzing origins.

 

Our memories harbour events that remind us of circumstances that contributed to the shaping of personality and character. As products of our environments regards not only culture and social norms but also domestic upbringing and our caregivers' influence--either intentional or inadvertent. With this in mind, our caregivers' unresolved trauma will directly affect our early evolvement and contribute to how we choose to make decisions throughout advanced stages in life.  

 

 

Cute story for 'between the lines' reading:

 

Throughout development, certain memories visited mind's view that left me at awe, as education and information collected conflicted with development's synchronicity. I always allowed myself the pace needed to fully comprehend information and analysis, including intuitive processing and reprocessing of information, even when this demanded more time to adapt. At demanding times of stress evoked circumstances, balance of emotion and logic aided reason. One memory, in particular, at the age of four, to this day, displays as crisply as yesterday. 

 

My parent's room was flexibly 'off limits', yet children have an instinct of curiosity that picks at the edges of boundaries.... tickling temptations will, to poke at cannons just to see how ridged they really are. "Don't touch this ... this is mine" was calmly accepted after the question "why" and "what is it" was tenderly explained. With respect to personal objects, I refrained from touching and respected everyone's personal items in the house, but... that brightly colored rose nail polish captivated intrigue within my prodding desires... I knew this was something mother owned that was for females (times where different decades ago). That fact meant a great deal to me, as mother was the only female other than myself in the household--that meant she was the only female role model to learn what being a female is about, important to early development learning. Despite vexed curiosity, I mustered the courage to ask, "Mother, can you paint my nails with your nail polish?" This innocent inquiry, as I had registered it, at a tender age, couldn't have predicted the reaction of father's stern presence upon hearing such a request.  It was the first time I witnessed my father dramatically outburst within an inconsolable state of extreme disagreement--to say it mildly--verbally engaging my mother in incomprehensible panic, as though I caused the end of days.

My mother focused completely in, pacifying father's denial, as his fear rolled verbally out to witness...

"No! She's too young! This is the start of everything! No! No! She's not going to be like that!"

That moment, at the age of four, I watched my parents' reaction caused by a meaningless innocent question to unfold irrationally and realised through the bout that moment's overwhelmed display of control loss that they will undoubtingly pose obstacles throughout my future life. Although the moment wasn't as long as it seemed, the exhaustion of mother's efforts to excuse a rational request paralleled as irrational efforts, while unnecessary guilt coaxed demand for action. I recall thinking, "What now? He's giving her such a hard time...  All for nail polish... This doesn't make sense, but it has to stop. My mother's struggling and she doesn't deserve this... Ok you started this, end it!" After witnessing the distress, I shouted loudly enough to be heard, with aim to stop the irrationally dramatic behaviour, "I only asked for my nails to be painted! I didn't want this to happen! Forget I asked--I know--I'll go to the corner now!" I marched to the other room, assigned myself punishment, as I knew that raising my voice to the parents was disrespectful, and punishment then was a small stool situated before an empty corner branded 'the corner of shame'. 

The frustration and outrage felt, due to the realisation ignited by father's reaction, overwhelmed but was internally controlled. Silence dominated after my words, throughout the house. Between a few and several minutes, my mother entered the room with the nail polish, after politely requesting entry. Looking back, the Heavens blessed my upbringing, as proper etiquette was respected among every member of the family, thus irrational behaviour was easier to identify as unacceptable. The power of how we express words through our chosen messages is experienced through the energy radiated from each person offering the message and by the receiver accepting the message. The value of the message is deciphered by the level of openness the receiver offers to the one sending the message, thus the message is as important as the value of the receiver's will to accept it. Children are particularly open to learning, thus all forms of expression in communication must be considered; throughout development, a child can be affected by the level of emotions emitted from the communicator or caregiver. One experience remembered or repressed, regardless of how trivially it can be dismissed, can affect a child's life throughout an entire upbringing into adulthood. 

Later, outside, as I witnessed the sunset, while the polish on my fingernails dried, father stepped out and silently sat beside me on the steps leading to the house's main entrance. Awkwardly, he offered me an ice cream sandwich... I instantly realised this to be a silent apology and the closest to an apology I would ever hear in my life from him...Yes, this hypothesis was proven through the years, and I initially understood this at the age of four, (what I couldn't realize then was the level of trauma my father had suffered in his childhood).

Between the silence, the amazing sky's reflection of color, and love's acceptance, I responded, "I don't want to ruin my nails." He humbly smiled, with gentlemanly manner, in silence, offered to unfold the wrapper of the treat. Silence ruled. I identified his consideration of needed serenity as respect thus instantly forgave him for the unusual outburst.

The concluded realisation of that day remained throughout the years, while witnessed parental struggles and successes captured attentions, as the memory of that lesson affected personal decisions without conscious awareness.   

 

Unfortunately, not everyone dives deep in self-analysis to accept themselves for who and what they are... that brave inner child never gets the chance to be heard; instead prejudged as frail because the inner strength has the title of inner 'child', as though children lack fortitude because small bodies hold their massive light. It is this light that silently persuades adults to cherish and protect, as it reflects the beauty of purity.

 

We are born in greatness and steadily degrade in denial, otherwise progress would not be a goal to strive for throughout life.

This is the design and why it is the successful adult that defends the innocent child... and the innocent child that awakens the perspective of the successful adult... not for glory but for service, as the lessons learned in childhood make the adult of the future.  

 

What amazes me, to this day, is the ability of the mind to accept traumatic behaviour and stressful circumstances, at tender developmental ages, regardless of the plethora of diverse subject matter learned throughout a lifetime, the base stems from origin.

 

 

 

The study of trauma's effects, offered by pioneers in psychology, grant years of research dedication at our fingertips, in a modern world now governed by the influence of the internet. Any interest, in Attachment Theory and Separation Theory to the relevance of mirror neuron functions and their role played in our socialisation, invites opportunity in knowledge's vastness of the internet's abyss. The impact professionals in the fields of the psychology, traumatology, in the study of early childhood development, prenatal psychology, and somatic responses to trauma, have influenced and assisted in healing the difficult to define and too often feared in dismissal. The reason, our mind's darkest corners do not shed light, is because the distress initially caused was ignited in the developmental years where speech had not evolved yet. When trauma from emotions is triggered through repeated circumstances that resemble the sense of the inflicted emotion that occurred at the age of two (for example), correct verbal articulation of the emotion often fails, as the mind refers to that early age regardless of the mature adult development.

What does this mean? The events that influence one's prenatal psychological development can and do affect child and adult behaviour.

Trauma, left unidentified and untreated, can affect a lifetime, minimizing the chances of an optimal quality of life. 

 

Reference to psychologists, neurologists, and relevant professionals, will gradually be regarded in this blog.

Titles of published books and public website references will also be randomly offered.

 

My name is Chariklia Oikonomopoulou. I am a certified trauma informed care practitioner, CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) therapist, hypnotherapist, certified in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) therapy, among relevant therapeutic studies, and offer sessions of hypnosis and guidance in the journey of healing.

 

Each person's mind knows best how to heal itself, when each person accepts that healing is necessary. Seek and actively read on research through public documentation.  As a therapist, I can offer guidance for suitably personalized therapy and insight on professional teams to contact for collaborated assistance according to personal circumstances.

 

Brief note of potential interest:

Research information or check out topics and professionals regarding the Separation Theory and Dr. Margeret Mahler.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk's dedicated research is abundantly offered on YouTube and other social media platforms.

Deep dive in research offered by professionals, such as, Dr. Allan Schore on Attunement, Dr. Barry and Janae Weinhold's research on early childhood development and relationships, Dr. Dan Siegel on adolescent psychology and on the significance of mirror neurons during infant development...

An endless archive on social media platforms offers information to quench the mind's thirst for potential questions.

These professionals and many more have written non-fictional educational books through decades of research offered to humanity's benefit.

As you do this, you will realise that the vortex of information is endless, inviting commitment to learn relevant subject matter.  

 

 

 

Preference to self-healing is focused, in this blog; that doesn't mean you should avoid professional guidance as needed.

Self-healing is for people who truly understand that their issue does not dominate their lives, otherwise, reaching out for assistance reflects wisest.

 

Guidance in hypnosis has been proven beneficial, in cases that distress obstructs progress in daily life. In all cases, trust is earned, especially when one seeks for addiction's alleviation, healing of single trauma events or complex trauma. Sometimes only one session, or even one discussion, can change an entire perspective that leads to visible vantage points otherwise missed, opening the path towards better method of healing.

 

Through therapy, acceptance of change offers ease during difficult moments or triggers. Ignoring developmental trauma leads to repeated patterns of adverse developmental experiences, leading to aggressive outbursts or unpleasant reactive behaviours called triggers. These triggers remind the subconscious of the emotions experienced in the initial distressing event. Chronic repetition of trauma damages healthy hippocampus cells, throughout a lifetime, causing the sufferer to experience difficulty understanding internal processes of emotion. Therapy offers direction for healing and personalized methods to cope. 

 

Throughout adult development, we realise patterns of conflict arising in relationships; patterns of emotional defence that cause severe or permanent rifts between significant relationships... Minor disagreements manifest into intensely heated words... and the right communication necessary to express clarity fails as emotions are sealed from exposure. Blame appears to label everyone but the source... even after replaying events for understanding... All to help the inner child feel safe...

 

Who or what event caused the fear that built inner walls against the inner child, that inner light, craving the voice to be heard, the most?